I’ve been knocked down many times in the 20 years I’ve been on this Earth. The one thing I am proud of saying about that is the amount of times I’ve been knocked down is less than the amount of times I have gotten up. As weird as that sounds it’s true. Though life has managed to beat me in what tends to seem a merciless way, I find some bit of strength to pull myself together. I’ve spoken with many adults, some of which were suicidal, they all said to me “it gets better”. And with that I get more strength because I see no point in dragging my feet, ore hanging my head low when I’ve been given the gift of life. I’M HERE! It must be for a reason. If I gotta go through hell to get to heaven, so be it.
Today is February 14, 2014. I’ve never had a guy bring me flowers or candies or take me out on this day. This day has always been an awkward day for me, watching a bunch of love birds go out and have fun. Today one simple picture put everything in perspective for me. I got on facebook and scrolled through my timeline and came upon a picture. The picture was of John 3:16. “For God so loVed the world he gAve his onLy bEgotten soN That whoever believes In him shall have Everlasting life.” This spelled out the word “valentine”. So while I’m sulking about not having a “significant other” since before the day I came to be I always had the love of my life. This man has given me the stars and the moon, flowers a million, shelter, food and water, comfort in my time of sorrow. This man is absolutely positively AMAZING. So why am I upset? I’ve got all the love I’ll ever need.
I’ve never written a blog before, all my thoughts have either been bottled up or kept hidden in a diary. I don’t know who will see this and I don’t know what the thoughts of the readers may be as I babble on about my feelings but I needed another way to get them out. Like myself 57.7 million people in the United States and Canada suffer from some type of mental disorder. I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and depression. Combined they aren’t the easiest disorders to deal with. This doesn’t mean that I cant live a normal life, it just means that I have to understand some triggers and be aware of my emotions. For example tonight a million thoughts are running through my head and 90% of those thoughts have me in a pretty crappy mood. There are other symptoms/illnesses piggybacked onto my depression and anxiety. If I get myself too worked up I get a massive migraine, or my stomach will get upset. One of the ways I cope is by attending therapy. My therapist give me techniques on how I can calm myself if I become too anxious and how to recognize my depressive moods. It’s a lot tot handle. As I type this I am getting a migraine and it could be because I’m scared of what people will think reading this and if anyone will read it at all. So I think that’s all for tonight.